Long time, no blog

So amidst the craziest of semesters or beginnings of one, I must admit that I am suprised that I am still wading above the water. After hesitantly breaking up with a boy that I had dated for three weeks, I am in the midst of the greiving process. I know that what I did was right, but it still hurt to do it and it makes me a little angry at myself. On top of the personal life fiasco of the last weekend, I am agreeing to continue my plan for graduating in December, after carefully and briefly considering the alternative "I" on my transcript until May. My work schedule is crazy, but I love my internship. I am so blessed that my mom is here to help me out some, even though she may not understand why I broke up with the boy or like the means of doing so.

You see, I set a high bar for myself as a teenager when it came to the opposite sex. While I knew people who were sleeping around at 16 and 17, I knew that I didn't want that. I mean to say that sex is something sacred, beautiful, between two people in love, and should be consequently done in the context of marriage. I had no real offers in high school or pressure to do so, so I thought that this bar would be easy to maintain. The trouble with that is, that my Christian friends never talked about their struggles in their own relationships with saving themselves for marriage. It wasn't until I was in my own first serious relationship and asked about it did I find out how it wasn't that easy and I wasn't the only one struggling to maintain my purity.

I am the weaker sex, admittedly, even though I like to think that I am not. I like that attention that any one would give me (positive that is). The power that that attention gives me, is mind boggling. The fact that anyone wanted to be with me was totally amazing and I didn't want to pass it up. The truth is though, my partner must share those convictions and yes, even though he is a guy, he should be able to say no, we don't want to do this right now, let's do something else.

In dating someone who is not on the spiritual level that you might be, you run into this issue. You want to do whatever it takes for them to still like you, but at the same time hold onto your principles. That sends mixed messages and confuses the pants off men, who haven't been nurtured by older men in the ways of being a 'godly man' or even know what being a 'godly man' means.

In 1st Peter, Ephesians, there are guidelines of the relationship between a man and a woman. I do not myself think that is to be taken literally word for word. I do however think that it still applies to the times and can be readapted as such. Now I don't want a man who bosses me around and is condescening and always has to be in control. That I know for sure. I want someone who sets an example for me, who lives a Christian life like me, and can be a spiritual leader, someone who is equally yoked as the bible states it or on the same page as me in regards to a personal relationship. It is so easy to get away from these principles in the midst of a relationship and lose focus on the purpose of a relationship. I am by no means an expert, mainly a coward, who hates confrontation, but nevertheless thinks that I have come too far to give up my principles at this point for a night and a purity that I can never get back and a relationship that only draws me further away from God.