No Idea what to call it...

Alright, so I am not exactly faithful in keeping my blog up to date, but I am trying. I am sitting at home on a Sunday evening, ready to go to bed, but my mind is full of wonder. I am amazed at how God can use my dreams and juxtapose them with scripture to make them make sense to me. I always thought my dreams were useless and could never figure them out.

After spending most of the afternoon doing schoolwork (ugh!), then going to help out at church with youth (these kids always challenge me in new ways), I decided that I didn't want to go home and work on some more homework. I decided to indulge my sweet tooth even further (i had already had 4 cookies that evening + 2 from the morning) with a carmel frappucino from starbucks and sit down to read a non-school related book for a bit. The book I am reading is called "Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul". The whole book is about how God longs to be in an intimate relationship with us as women and how sometimes the men in our life skew our view of how a real father figure, friend, or lover should be.

Recently I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend whom I had not seen in a long time. The whole dream was about him being sick and me trying to get to him to check on him to see if he was all right. His mother and his wife were in it, one trying to help me and the other trying to help him and ignore me. I am constantly having dreams about me trying to tell someone something or catch up to something and not being able to get there. It baffled me! Until tonight, I read in my book a scripture in Hosea 2: 6-7, "Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns; and I will build a wall against her, so that she cannot find her paths. 7 She shall pursue her lovers, but not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them." AHA MOMENT!!!!!!
It occured to me, I am chasing the wrong 'lovers', not the only 'lover' that I should ever need. He is making me a path to him, putting up road blocks where there are relationships that will not fully glorify him, by forcing me to see that my only true 'love' is HIM! He wants me to seek out HIM as my lover. He wants to know me that intimately!!:) WOW! Thank You!! He wants me to be vulnerable to show him all my faults, for he already knows them, and he loves me anyway! Is there a love more pure and unconditional than this?! Not on earth, only in the eyes of our heavenly father. He romances us everyday, yes, our Father in heaven romances us! If we allow ourselves to open our eyes to that sunset on the way to work, if we ask him to bless us even more than we already are, or if we watch a butterfly flutter around a flower or the river rush over a rock, we will be truly romanced by the one who invented romance himself!! It states this later in that same chapter in Hosea, "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." (2:14).

I don't know about you, but to be romanced and blessed is all I have ever wanted to happen in my life and here it has been all along. I have been missing it right before my eyes! When I was a little girl, all I wanted was to marry someone like my daddy, when i became a teenager I wanted someone to love me alone, after I became an adult I continue to desire that earthly love because everyone else seemed to have it but me. All along I have had a better kind of love, an unconditional and pure love... I have to wrap myself in it and fill myself up with it and it will make me whole and fill the void that I thought that I had in me, but it had just been missing Him all along. AMEN!!:) PRAISE THE LORD!!:)