What hurts the most...

I never really realized what the words to the song, "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts meant until tonight. It is not the premise of the song I can relate to but the hurt.

What hurts the most,
was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do.

Tonight I saw him for the first time since we broke up, it caught me by suprise and made my heart jump right into my throat. My face became red and I was filled with anger and remorse all at the same time. I was filled with unfairness of it all, but then I remembered something, Satan called my bluff, he tested me, but he isn't strong enough. i watched with awe as I recalled the sacrifice my Lord and Savior made for me. I realized how petty I was being, all while my face was still flushed and filled with every emotion I can imagine. I felt like I had to start over again, but realized the circumstances of today are fleeting, Lord Reigns! But the words ring true because he was so close and I had so much to say to him, but would have it helped me any? I watched him walk away so many times tonight without him even noticing me, wondering how he could forget me? how he just couldn't love me anymore? i still love him... that was all I was truly trying to do all through out our crazy mixed up relationship...make sure that he knew he was loved, focusing my time on him and on loving him, forgetting God. I am hurt... but it will heal... i want to be truly complete in my forgiveness of him and myself, as well as sure of my path. i am just rambling, but it is 1 AM... Thank you to my amazing small group... they saved me from myself!