So a lot has happened since I last wrote. I have a job!!! Which I am super excited about, but also a little anxious about, as it will be a lot of work that I have minimal experience with, so I will be learning along the way. I will have to move however, I always get way nostalgic when I think about leaving Columbia. It's not where I need to be or want to stay forever, but I feel like I just got here. I became a true adult here, learned how to deal with my problems, how to ask for help, the meaning of persistance, the beauty of faith, and the joy of friendship. Everything around me seems a whole lot more true and real, because I will soon be leaving it.
Last night, I attended come to the cross at my roomie's church. Let me tell you how moving and amazing that was, as well as the fact that the Holy Spirit was SOOO present in that sanctuary of 900+ people. I have to learn to focus on the present that Christ has given us, that God felt so strongly and passionately to give to us, even though we totally do NOT deserve it, but somehow God saw something in us that He wanted to save, US. It is hard to imagine that he saw nothing else and sought no Glory or Fame, just our pure and unadulterated trust in Him. For that reason alone, He deserves our praise forever more.
Life is about changing and adventure, although my adventure here in Columbia is coming to a close, I am not the same person I was when I came. I have seen the glory of a God who pursues his people unabashedly and I have seen what those people do in return to praise and honor Him in the world. I have seen compassion of the true Christian Spirit in youth half my age, that I will carry with me forever. I am so so so blessed beyond measure that I can never be truly thankful enough for the people who have welcomed me into their hearts and lives, shared their faith and belief for Christ, as well as there belief and support of me.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
March 23, 2006
Today, was a day to remember and learn from. So, i decided to give the alternative school a try with substituting. I just felt like it was the longest day ever AND it was only HALF a DAY!! I felt so sad for these kids, do they not have anyone to look up to that they have to be so disrespectful to the adults that are trying to help them. BA is an alternative school, alternative to the street or expulsion! I would be grateful for the opportunity to be there and just do my best to get in and get out.
I just have to wonder what their home life is like. Do their parents have no control over them? Do they even have parents that care for them? Do they let them get away with EVERYTHING? It is amazing to me that kids can be so unruly, rude, harsh, obnoxious, and me still feel sorry for them. It is amazing also at how little they know about life, and how much they think they know. It's also crazy to think that they think fighting, cussing, stealing, etc., make them all a MAN. If you use a cuss word in front of me, I loose all respect for you. In my opinion, it takes a bigger man to handle it without cuss words. I was wondering if they would be acting any differently if their mom's or dad's were standing there. Do these kids just want some attention? Is that really why they act up or out? Or is there something else? I can't really believe that cussing and fighting and all that anger just comes from wanting or lacking attention. I know there are much deeper issues that they can't or won't admit to themselves let alone anyone else. I am not saying that they don't deserve another chance to change themselves, but these students are so hard to reach! I am praying for them the students and their attitudes and also I will be in constant prayer for the teachers at this school, as all of them should be considered saints in my book. I am so thankful for the opportunity and life that I was given. God has truly blessed me in that respect.
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me;
yet not my will, but yours be done"
- Luke 22:42
this was my verse, it was the verse that got me through today. God put me in this situation today to strengthen my faith, soften my heart, and test my abilities... I love the LORD!! It is also poignant to my life at this point, as far as jobs and where I am going with my life. It is so comforting to know that HE knows our struggle, but HE also know the end of the struggle and promise of the future. I LOVE MY DADDY IN HEAVEN!!!:) HE IS SO GOOD TO ME!! AMEN!!
I just have to wonder what their home life is like. Do their parents have no control over them? Do they even have parents that care for them? Do they let them get away with EVERYTHING? It is amazing to me that kids can be so unruly, rude, harsh, obnoxious, and me still feel sorry for them. It is amazing also at how little they know about life, and how much they think they know. It's also crazy to think that they think fighting, cussing, stealing, etc., make them all a MAN. If you use a cuss word in front of me, I loose all respect for you. In my opinion, it takes a bigger man to handle it without cuss words. I was wondering if they would be acting any differently if their mom's or dad's were standing there. Do these kids just want some attention? Is that really why they act up or out? Or is there something else? I can't really believe that cussing and fighting and all that anger just comes from wanting or lacking attention. I know there are much deeper issues that they can't or won't admit to themselves let alone anyone else. I am not saying that they don't deserve another chance to change themselves, but these students are so hard to reach! I am praying for them the students and their attitudes and also I will be in constant prayer for the teachers at this school, as all of them should be considered saints in my book. I am so thankful for the opportunity and life that I was given. God has truly blessed me in that respect.
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me;
yet not my will, but yours be done"
- Luke 22:42
this was my verse, it was the verse that got me through today. God put me in this situation today to strengthen my faith, soften my heart, and test my abilities... I love the LORD!! It is also poignant to my life at this point, as far as jobs and where I am going with my life. It is so comforting to know that HE knows our struggle, but HE also know the end of the struggle and promise of the future. I LOVE MY DADDY IN HEAVEN!!!:) HE IS SO GOOD TO ME!! AMEN!!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
March 14, 2006
Hola Amigos!!:) So I am taking a personal day today and recouping from my interview yesterday. I was emotionally drained, but the interview went as well as I could have hoped. I should know in a couple of weeks, the verdict that is, on whether or not I get the job. It would be a huge undertaking and challenge for me, but I do believe that I can do it if given the opportunity.
Today, I so could have worked, but i didn't. I work tomorrow and half a day thursday before my interview in Charleston, so that will be days 8 and 9 of my substituting minimum of 15 days. I better rack them up now, so that I will be able to save some money before the summer. I will work more hours next week.
So I am just glancing over at my bible, it's talking about John the Baptist and the lessons we can learn from his life:
1) God does not guarantee an easy or safe life to those who serve Him.
2) Doing what God desires is the greatest possible life investment.
3) Standing for the truth is more important than life itself.
What a truth it is to know these things!! God is so cool. Especially as I am preparing to go on this mission trip to Ecuador in June. It is funny how people think that just because you believe in God, that automatically means you have it all figured out, that your life is easy and safe, with now worries or cares, when actually having a relationship with Him, makes it easier to bear all the heartaches and pain that this world allows.
That being said, it is also appropriate to note, that in returning to my book Beyond Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson, he discusses the importance of asking for protection against these temptations and in the midst of these heartaches to lighten our loads per say. Wilkinson believes that this is what Jabez really meant when he said "and that You would keep me from evil that I may not cause pain!" This book is so powerful, that even after not reading it in months, I am able to pick up where I left off and recall the wonderful way that God worked in my life when I was reading and praying this prayer before. Check it out: 1st Chronicles 4:10. It talks about all the things that we are afraid that we should not and are not supposed to ask for in this prayer and how appropriate this prayer is to our present lives in Christ.
Today, I so could have worked, but i didn't. I work tomorrow and half a day thursday before my interview in Charleston, so that will be days 8 and 9 of my substituting minimum of 15 days. I better rack them up now, so that I will be able to save some money before the summer. I will work more hours next week.
So I am just glancing over at my bible, it's talking about John the Baptist and the lessons we can learn from his life:
1) God does not guarantee an easy or safe life to those who serve Him.
2) Doing what God desires is the greatest possible life investment.
3) Standing for the truth is more important than life itself.
What a truth it is to know these things!! God is so cool. Especially as I am preparing to go on this mission trip to Ecuador in June. It is funny how people think that just because you believe in God, that automatically means you have it all figured out, that your life is easy and safe, with now worries or cares, when actually having a relationship with Him, makes it easier to bear all the heartaches and pain that this world allows.
That being said, it is also appropriate to note, that in returning to my book Beyond Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson, he discusses the importance of asking for protection against these temptations and in the midst of these heartaches to lighten our loads per say. Wilkinson believes that this is what Jabez really meant when he said "and that You would keep me from evil that I may not cause pain!" This book is so powerful, that even after not reading it in months, I am able to pick up where I left off and recall the wonderful way that God worked in my life when I was reading and praying this prayer before. Check it out: 1st Chronicles 4:10. It talks about all the things that we are afraid that we should not and are not supposed to ask for in this prayer and how appropriate this prayer is to our present lives in Christ.
Monday, March 13, 2006
March 13, 2006
Wow! What a great morning! I am so blessed to be able to enjoy this and be able to have time to sit and drink my coffee , read, and share the blessings that I feel are pervading my spirit!! I just woke up today with a wonderful feeling of gratitude to be alive, to have the opportunity to even interview for a position that I feel passionate about, to share my knowledge and skills with, as well as excitement and enthusiasm.
How appropriate on a day that I would usually tremble with fear and anxiety, that I would choose to open my Bible to read my memory verse for the week and it would be this:
"The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the ONE and ONLY, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."- John 1:14
So cool! He is in ME! That is so comforting to know that I am never alone, even when my physical world tells me so. Even in my job interview, He is on my shoulder putting every word in my mouth and thought in my head, filling me with possibility! I am ready! BRING IT ON!! He understands what it's like to be me and given me an identity in Him, an heir to his wonderful kingdom, that I am totally undeserving of and that is the ultimate gratitude that I have.
An interesting note, my bible footnotes state that verse 14 states that Christ became:
1)PERFECT TEACHER
2) PERFECT EXAMPLE
3)PERFECT SACRIFICE
How appropriate that speaks to me in my job pursuits, as I am constantly open and pursuing perfection, but I am only made PERFECT through Him and His teaching, example, and most of all sacrifice.
How appropriate on a day that I would usually tremble with fear and anxiety, that I would choose to open my Bible to read my memory verse for the week and it would be this:
"The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the ONE and ONLY, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."- John 1:14
So cool! He is in ME! That is so comforting to know that I am never alone, even when my physical world tells me so. Even in my job interview, He is on my shoulder putting every word in my mouth and thought in my head, filling me with possibility! I am ready! BRING IT ON!! He understands what it's like to be me and given me an identity in Him, an heir to his wonderful kingdom, that I am totally undeserving of and that is the ultimate gratitude that I have.
An interesting note, my bible footnotes state that verse 14 states that Christ became:
1)PERFECT TEACHER
2) PERFECT EXAMPLE
3)PERFECT SACRIFICE
How appropriate that speaks to me in my job pursuits, as I am constantly open and pursuing perfection, but I am only made PERFECT through Him and His teaching, example, and most of all sacrifice.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
March 12, 2006
Alright, so it is the day before my big interview. I have prepared the best I can for it, minus a few practices and a bit of reading i will do before the actual interview. i am watching my favorite roseanne episode and chillin' -"Becky Cut the Cheese"...:) ! I have about come to the complete conclusion that if God wants me to have this job, then he will give it to me and enable me to do it to the best of my ability. I mean the possibility of the work is overwhelming and exciting all at the same time. In a way, I am looking forward to being able to prove myself, but I know that I am not alone. I am interviewing them, as they are interviewing me. So I will just pray real hard and look over my notes before going and let God take care of the rest. I am not really afraid, just ready to go. Just talk to me in 12 hrs and I might tell u differently...:)
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Feb.14, 2005
Today, I celebrated Single Awareness Day, not Valentine's Day. I am learning to rejoice in my singleness. Anywho, I went to a Young Life Meeting Today, a leader's training, and was able review and renew my commitment to knowing Christ and to make Him known. It was in the final moments, when we had our 'homework' assignment, and one of it was to write our 'Jesus' Story or as I interpreted it, our faith story. It occurred to me that I had no MAJOR Jesus Story to speak of, just a series of faithful and doubtful periods in my life, that I had been taught was the way since birth. I wondered, is that bad? So get a glimpse into the story, I am being honest now, of what I had to say when I came home to write it:
As long as I remember the church has been part of my life, my story is not one of dramatics, but of honesty and truth when it comes to my relationship in Christ. Having a deeper relationship with Christ is one that I desire, but find so hard to attain. Perhaps, it is the work and time that it requires of you, or perhaps it is something entirely different. As with most Christians, I have my mountaintop experiences, as well as those deep valleys that only seem to get deeper before you begin to climb back out of them. I think often times I fail to grasp the entirety and deepness of the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross for us. I think that I also fail to make the deepest commitment possible, but do it just on the surface or just enough to where I think it will matter.
All of that being said, faith has always been a part of my life, sometimes I have a PLETHORA of it, while other times, I have the littlest ounce of it. I think up until like high school, I just did what I thought I was supposed to and made the milestones in the church that I thought were necessary to continue my ‘walk’. I surrounded myself with people who had the faith that I so wanted and found so cool. I have no dramatic story that describes how Christ came into my life and continues to pervade my every cell, even when I am not willing, stray away, or doubt even His existence. My faith has just evolved, my Jesus story if you will, from the small seed to a deep desire to know Him, and it continues to evolve, as I grow older.
A little bold, perhaps, but nevertheless honest. Through this revelation, I have had with myself (writing about my Jesus Story), I have uncovered a deep seeded thirst to know Him more, to study the Word and Pray Freverently and Honestly. That is what should drive me, not the pursuit of earthly goals, but eternal ones. Take my journey with me... Enjoy the Ride that Christ has set forth for us...:)
As long as I remember the church has been part of my life, my story is not one of dramatics, but of honesty and truth when it comes to my relationship in Christ. Having a deeper relationship with Christ is one that I desire, but find so hard to attain. Perhaps, it is the work and time that it requires of you, or perhaps it is something entirely different. As with most Christians, I have my mountaintop experiences, as well as those deep valleys that only seem to get deeper before you begin to climb back out of them. I think often times I fail to grasp the entirety and deepness of the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross for us. I think that I also fail to make the deepest commitment possible, but do it just on the surface or just enough to where I think it will matter.
All of that being said, faith has always been a part of my life, sometimes I have a PLETHORA of it, while other times, I have the littlest ounce of it. I think up until like high school, I just did what I thought I was supposed to and made the milestones in the church that I thought were necessary to continue my ‘walk’. I surrounded myself with people who had the faith that I so wanted and found so cool. I have no dramatic story that describes how Christ came into my life and continues to pervade my every cell, even when I am not willing, stray away, or doubt even His existence. My faith has just evolved, my Jesus story if you will, from the small seed to a deep desire to know Him, and it continues to evolve, as I grow older.
A little bold, perhaps, but nevertheless honest. Through this revelation, I have had with myself (writing about my Jesus Story), I have uncovered a deep seeded thirst to know Him more, to study the Word and Pray Freverently and Honestly. That is what should drive me, not the pursuit of earthly goals, but eternal ones. Take my journey with me... Enjoy the Ride that Christ has set forth for us...:)
Friday, January 20, 2006
Revelation
So, I am twenty five years old, I have a masters and undergraduate degree, am single, and what else? Somehow it doesn’t seem enough, but yet I know really it is so much.
I realized today that life is all about searching, it seems that I am always doing it, always seeking contentment, but never truly finding it. Like a vagabond roaming the dessert sand, it’s just one stop after another and some long looking through my binoculars, before I make my next camp. There are very few waters on my journey just a lot of uphill climbs trudging through deep dessert sands and dirty winds.
When I think about all of my issues, it overwhelms me and I have been having a lot of time to do that lately. So much so that I believe that I deserve a seat on that white couch at the “Starting Over” house. My inadequacies in relationships, in my faith, and ambition are at the forefront of my mind and I wonder if everyone else in the world has these own feelings of inadequacy.
I was so anxious to get out of the house today. After I went to get a TB test, I went to read at the coffee shop on campus and then on the horseshoe on campus. I was watching this squirrel and had an epiphany, well yes it was a squirel, but go with me on this one. I was thinking how they go through life and have brushes with death everyday, brush it off and are totally content everyday just searching for food and running up and down trees. Now, I know they have just pea sized brains and they can't process more than that, but it occured to me to be content in what I have in the moment and that God will provide with what I need when I need it. Somehow its not enough right now, I am just discontent and wandering in the desert. I needed to write, get it all out.
As I was reading the new book called, 'what remains' by Carole Radziwill, I realize that people who live a charmed life don't really have it all, we are all the same really, a series of deaths, weddings, sickness, joys, depression, pain, discontentment in the midst of contentment. She puts it best way I know remembering her wedding and all of her guests and their future fortunes and misfourtunes... life is a series of fortunate events either in life or death.
I realized today that life is all about searching, it seems that I am always doing it, always seeking contentment, but never truly finding it. Like a vagabond roaming the dessert sand, it’s just one stop after another and some long looking through my binoculars, before I make my next camp. There are very few waters on my journey just a lot of uphill climbs trudging through deep dessert sands and dirty winds.
When I think about all of my issues, it overwhelms me and I have been having a lot of time to do that lately. So much so that I believe that I deserve a seat on that white couch at the “Starting Over” house. My inadequacies in relationships, in my faith, and ambition are at the forefront of my mind and I wonder if everyone else in the world has these own feelings of inadequacy.
I was so anxious to get out of the house today. After I went to get a TB test, I went to read at the coffee shop on campus and then on the horseshoe on campus. I was watching this squirrel and had an epiphany, well yes it was a squirel, but go with me on this one. I was thinking how they go through life and have brushes with death everyday, brush it off and are totally content everyday just searching for food and running up and down trees. Now, I know they have just pea sized brains and they can't process more than that, but it occured to me to be content in what I have in the moment and that God will provide with what I need when I need it. Somehow its not enough right now, I am just discontent and wandering in the desert. I needed to write, get it all out.
As I was reading the new book called, 'what remains' by Carole Radziwill, I realize that people who live a charmed life don't really have it all, we are all the same really, a series of deaths, weddings, sickness, joys, depression, pain, discontentment in the midst of contentment. She puts it best way I know remembering her wedding and all of her guests and their future fortunes and misfourtunes... life is a series of fortunate events either in life or death.
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