March 23, 2006

Today, was a day to remember and learn from. So, i decided to give the alternative school a try with substituting. I just felt like it was the longest day ever AND it was only HALF a DAY!! I felt so sad for these kids, do they not have anyone to look up to that they have to be so disrespectful to the adults that are trying to help them. BA is an alternative school, alternative to the street or expulsion! I would be grateful for the opportunity to be there and just do my best to get in and get out.

I just have to wonder what their home life is like. Do their parents have no control over them? Do they even have parents that care for them? Do they let them get away with EVERYTHING? It is amazing to me that kids can be so unruly, rude, harsh, obnoxious, and me still feel sorry for them. It is amazing also at how little they know about life, and how much they think they know. It's also crazy to think that they think fighting, cussing, stealing, etc., make them all a MAN. If you use a cuss word in front of me, I loose all respect for you. In my opinion, it takes a bigger man to handle it without cuss words. I was wondering if they would be acting any differently if their mom's or dad's were standing there. Do these kids just want some attention? Is that really why they act up or out? Or is there something else? I can't really believe that cussing and fighting and all that anger just comes from wanting or lacking attention. I know there are much deeper issues that they can't or won't admit to themselves let alone anyone else. I am not saying that they don't deserve another chance to change themselves, but these students are so hard to reach! I am praying for them the students and their attitudes and also I will be in constant prayer for the teachers at this school, as all of them should be considered saints in my book. I am so thankful for the opportunity and life that I was given. God has truly blessed me in that respect.

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me;
yet not my will, but yours be done"
- Luke 22:42

this was my verse, it was the verse that got me through today. God put me in this situation today to strengthen my faith, soften my heart, and test my abilities... I love the LORD!! It is also poignant to my life at this point, as far as jobs and where I am going with my life. It is so comforting to know that HE knows our struggle, but HE also know the end of the struggle and promise of the future. I LOVE MY DADDY IN HEAVEN!!!:) HE IS SO GOOD TO ME!! AMEN!!