I woke up this morning with a renewed feeling about my faith. If anything this past weekend's experience has taught me how much I truly love the Lord. I can't say that I will be returning to any event, such as this before, but I can say I am able to appreciate what it means to the people there, as well as to me.
On my way home from school today, I was thinking about how I would explain my feelings about this weekend to my friends who went with me. I gave off the wrong impression. I know how they will react to what I am about to say, but I am willing to deal with it.
I do not need to be reminded of past hurts to be healed from them, I believe that God is continually healing me everyday and that it is not an instantanous process, but one that is ongoing. Yes, I have fear in my life, rejection, anger, but really who doesn't? Besides that, I feel as though there are people in heaven who never went through the 'casting out of demons', who had just as many 'demons' as I do and God still wants them to be a part of His Kingdom. The plain and simple of it is that I just don't care for this type of thing. You can say that the devil is taking over me, whatever you want, but I know that God reigns supreme in my life. Afterall at the core it is about my relationship with Him, not what the world thinks of He and I. We all view our faith exibition differently and that is okay. He loves us as long as we accept Him, His Son, and Love Him! He is working out His purpose despite what my past has provided me with in terms of faults and insecurities. GOD IS GOOD... ALL THE TIME!!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Different Kinds of Christians
It has come to my attention, that there are many different kinds of Christians. I know that most of you have already figured that out, but after my retreat this past weekend, my awareness was heightened.
I went to a retreat with my church here in Charleston. The retreat was basically to help us rid ourselves of 'Satan' spirits that reside within us and cleanse us with a new life in Christ. I was skeptical and uneasy about attending, but as always I try to be open minded to new ideas. We the basic premise of this program was we would talk about different spirits, i.e. fear, anger, rejection, abuse, witchcraft (just to name a few). We would repent to God, Renounce to Satan, and break all ties with the spirit in question. We would then get prayed over by an intercessor. This is where I began to see the problem that I had been ignoring about this type of retreat. I felt the attack beginning. The people at the church would say that this was Satan's way of distracting me, but I feel otherwise. God speaks to me in my gut, and my gut was having a temper tantrum at this point.
A large focus on the PAST and breaking ties with sins of the past and past generations. I had a major reaction to the spirit of fear and anger. I will agree that these are areas that I struggle with in my life. I will NOT however be subjected to the fact that these spirits have control over me, they consume me, and I HAVE to resolve any thing with that past before I can make it in the future. I feel that I have resolved a lot of things and it just didn't make any sense for me to bring it back up. It particularly got to me with someone talked about my childhood and my fear of abandonment and loneliness. I felt like they were pointing fingers at my Parents, my childhood... I had no idea what to do with that! It hurt me to the core that someone would say these things without really knowing me or my past. I had a reaction to anger as well, but it was not nearly as intense. I felt like I was the main attraction on TBN or the Benny Hinn Show. Let me point out that I do believe that there is evil in the world, that I am not totally abasing this idea that we must change and learn from the past, that repentance and renunciation will do not have their place, that there are people who can intercede for us, that there are people who can speak in tongues, but I don't have to go to a retreat or have demons thrown out of me to know that.
Maybe it's just me, but I choose to dwell on the good things that God provides for me, like JESUS!!, like hope for a future, eternal life, my family and friends, my virginity, my faith (even though that has been slightly marred from this experience). God gave us free will and a mind to interpret the Bible and His Word as we see it fit into our lives. I believe that I have witnessed an extreme at one end and prefer the calling that God has placed on my life and the way that he has placed it there. God LOVES Me, He loves my PAST... PRESENT... FUTURE. Don't worry I will be able to meet you all in heaven one day, my journey and practice may be a little different, but none the less effective than they way anyone else will get to heaven. I think I need to rediscover Jesus and the Bible on my own...
I went to a retreat with my church here in Charleston. The retreat was basically to help us rid ourselves of 'Satan' spirits that reside within us and cleanse us with a new life in Christ. I was skeptical and uneasy about attending, but as always I try to be open minded to new ideas. We the basic premise of this program was we would talk about different spirits, i.e. fear, anger, rejection, abuse, witchcraft (just to name a few). We would repent to God, Renounce to Satan, and break all ties with the spirit in question. We would then get prayed over by an intercessor. This is where I began to see the problem that I had been ignoring about this type of retreat. I felt the attack beginning. The people at the church would say that this was Satan's way of distracting me, but I feel otherwise. God speaks to me in my gut, and my gut was having a temper tantrum at this point.
A large focus on the PAST and breaking ties with sins of the past and past generations. I had a major reaction to the spirit of fear and anger. I will agree that these are areas that I struggle with in my life. I will NOT however be subjected to the fact that these spirits have control over me, they consume me, and I HAVE to resolve any thing with that past before I can make it in the future. I feel that I have resolved a lot of things and it just didn't make any sense for me to bring it back up. It particularly got to me with someone talked about my childhood and my fear of abandonment and loneliness. I felt like they were pointing fingers at my Parents, my childhood... I had no idea what to do with that! It hurt me to the core that someone would say these things without really knowing me or my past. I had a reaction to anger as well, but it was not nearly as intense. I felt like I was the main attraction on TBN or the Benny Hinn Show. Let me point out that I do believe that there is evil in the world, that I am not totally abasing this idea that we must change and learn from the past, that repentance and renunciation will do not have their place, that there are people who can intercede for us, that there are people who can speak in tongues, but I don't have to go to a retreat or have demons thrown out of me to know that.
Maybe it's just me, but I choose to dwell on the good things that God provides for me, like JESUS!!, like hope for a future, eternal life, my family and friends, my virginity, my faith (even though that has been slightly marred from this experience). God gave us free will and a mind to interpret the Bible and His Word as we see it fit into our lives. I believe that I have witnessed an extreme at one end and prefer the calling that God has placed on my life and the way that he has placed it there. God LOVES Me, He loves my PAST... PRESENT... FUTURE. Don't worry I will be able to meet you all in heaven one day, my journey and practice may be a little different, but none the less effective than they way anyone else will get to heaven. I think I need to rediscover Jesus and the Bible on my own...
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