So I am trying to return to what was normal before Steven. I can't help but feel as though it is a little disheartening to that I don't remember what i felt like before him. I am just numb to the whole thing at this point. It's wierd to be a part of someone's life for so long and just have them not there anymore. I keep looking at the phone, thinking that he will change his mind and call, but then what will I say? Will I say oh yes, please come back or totally walk away completely. I have a hard time thinking that he is going to be out with someone else tonight, they are eating dinner, laughing, etc. I try to brush it off, but it does hurt. Do I love him? I am not sure where I stand anymore on that subject. I gave a big part of myself to him and to say that I don't would be like denying that our time together even existed. A part of me will always love him, as I know he will for me. Really who was I before? I am trying to discover that again. Pray for some insight and direction and thatI will completely trust God with His plan for my life and not my own.
What I can say is that I am really blessed at this point to have an amazing and wonderful small group, as well as many other friends who are keeping me busy and reminding me that I am loved not because of who I was or am with but because of who I am. I am so over people who choose sides, intentionally or not. Grow up, we are not in middle school. You may not acknowledge that you are, but you do. It's human nature, but it's silly really because we all make mistakes but we should love beyond our mistakes.... just some food for thought...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment