First Day Back

I have to say that it was good to get back to work today. Although I enjoy not working, working does have its benefits. Benefits of consistancy and in my area of work, a joyful smile and gentle hug from a five year old, does make the day sweet.

Today was one of those days that I totally lost myself in my work. I love that when it happens. I am able to see the pure joy of my work and just do my job without any expectations from myself. I got a lot accomplished too.

This taking control of my thoughts deal is harder than I ever imagined. Today was especially hard to not pick up the phone, but I managed to pull through, when I realized that it would only set me back on the progress I have made over the last few days. My wise friend, wrote me an email that I was pleased to read today. She told me that I don't have to try to love myself. That sounds a little harsh but listen to the catch... I should be so caught up in loving God and I mean truly having his love envelop me, that loving myself comes out of that love that He has for me. Does that make sense? I will be able to see myself the way that my Father does and love me through His eyes. That is not to say that this is an easy road. There is a lot of internal overhaul to be done on my part. I have to accept myself as I am and that I am imperfect but intendedly so. I am loved with my imperfections, so I decidedly should love myself as God does because who can God against God and be right?

My heart is lifted with prayers that I feel surrounding me. I awoke with a peace that I had not felt in a long time. I am ready for sleep and what the day holds tomorrow. I am ready for the change in me, now I just have to embrace it and do it. Thank you all for your love... it is truer than any other besides my Lord and Savior... You are in my prayers...