Tattered and Torn

Somedays, I get just so tattered and torn with the events of the day. I have a headache the size of who knows what and I have to get up and be at work tomorrow, but my need to get it all out for you is so great that I will sacrifice the shut eye:)!

Today has been kind of crazy and I am ready for a routine to return to my life. Vacation is nice, but consistancy is wonderful for a person like me. With all the extra time on my hands, I have time to think about people and temptations to call them. I have facebook which haunts me with pictures of him having fun (sans me). Its not like I don't expect him to move on, but I get a little jealous thinking that THEY get to be WITH him and share life with him and I don't. I know that I NO ONE is right for me now. I couldn't stand to be with anyone right now because I would be so concerned with their wellbeing that I would neglect my own and that is NOT what I need now.

It's so hard just being in the moment and wanting to talk to him about how I am feeling but knowing that will only make it worse for him and me. How I long for a cuddle or a hug, or even just a little wink in my direction...

Enough about that, I am what I am and I am where I am supposed to be I know...I TRUST YOU GOD...

I just feel a mix of a emotions like sadness, hopelessness, excitement, fear, anxiousness, for what the future holds for me. Will I ever really be able to truly love someone? Can I live with someone forever? Won't I get sick of them? Living in today is so hard, when tomorrow is pressing in... I TRUST YOU GOD.... I SURRENDER...