Loving yourself

How can you learn to love yourself? I have heard it said that if you cannot love yourself, then it is hard for you to know and accept love from another. Is that what leads me here today? Is that why I feel like I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me? The long and the short of it is, that i want to be whole. Who doesn't? I don't love myself. I have never been taught how to do it. How do you teach an old dog new tricks? How do you even begin? For me, the task over the next few months is daunting. To regain the trust of myself, of others, but rely on the fact that God ALWAYS provides what I need, when I need it. I just have to respond and act. So on this blog for the next few months, I will be sharing my heart. It won't be pretty, but perhaps someone else can glean some insight.
Right now, I feel a sense of surrealness, that we are done. It feels way different than before, maybe because its final, maybe because I do actually know what I am losing and it hurts unspeakably more than anyone can imagine. I have done to him, what I have promised never to do again (over and over), which is hurt him. I guess I am not so hot at keeping that promise...
I still have hope for us someday, that we will at least be able to be friends again. It sucks to lose your best friend too. Well, that is what I have to deal with. I have to lose the road blocks that have led me here over and over. I have to deal with my anxiety, depression, and learn to be happy with who I am (as others see me not as I do). Tomorrow is a new day, with new experiences to be had. I spend so much time worrying about tomorrow, what good does it do to even live today? It's hard to refocus and change that outlook. All I know is that I am tired of overanalyzing, crying, being sad, feeling like a loser, being jealous/envious, worrying about what others think of me, etc.I am me, flawed, and all. God made me this way. I may never know why I have all these things to deal with, but He will equip me with how to deal with them. I love Steven and always will, but I have to love God and Me before he or I can ever truly experience the blissful love that I know God has intended for us either together or apart.